I hate being so conflicted.
There is a fine line between liking someone a whole lot and then wanting nothing to do with them.
I am crazy for even considering running away to another state with a man.
Like, what….who am I?
The man I’ve been seeing is leaving.
He accepted a job in Albany, NY and begins the 4th of May. He has a Uhaul booked and his apartment set up for May 1st.
I encouraged him to accept the job. I knew it would be hard to see him go, but I had confidence that he would love finally being on his own, in his chosen field. I know he doesn’t want to leave the city, but I am excited for him to start this chapter in his life.
I did not expect to get so emotional and torn up inside.
He wants me to go with him. Not right away, but after he gets settled. He offered to fly me out for interviews and to help me move.
I want to go, I really do. But I also think it would be a big mistake.
Everything has changed since he accepted the position. He’s been stressed and disconnected (that’s been my territory so far). We agreed to stop going out so much so he can save money (though we did blow through some bookstores last weekend). We truly have to be responsible adults. Reality is hitting us hard.
We’ve known each other for 8 years. We’ve been casually dating since mid-November. We have had our ups and downs. I get grumpy and emotional; I like my space and I’m very independent. I don’t really want to commit to a relationship. I don’t know if I could handle living with him and being dependent on him while I made the transition. I honestly don’t know how long it would take me to find a job, etc.
I haven’t lived with anyone in a very long time. And he lived with a girlfriend during college and had a terrible experience. Last year, I was seeing someone who moved away for a job. He dumped me for someone else after a few months. What scares me the most: that he’ll move on without me around. Or that I will move there and we will realize how incompatible we are and we will be stuck… He’s water – I’m fire.
But, I really like him. And I really want to move out of PA. I don’t know if the two should mix.
What if everything works out great?
To begin, I received these products complimentary for testing purposes from Influenster. These are my honest reviews.
I was excited to get a VoxBox. It’s been a while and this one actually had a bunch of cool stuff inside, not just one product. Inside the #UniVoxBox were products by NYC New York Color, Pilot Pen, Rimmel London, Playtex, Red Rose, and Broadway Nails.
The first product I tried out was the Rimmel London Stay Matte Liquid Mousse Foundation. I loved it! It was easy to apply and blended with my skin. No flaking or orangy color. It easily covered the natural redness in my cheeks for a flawless finish. This product will be my go-to foundation for a good while. (I just look like a doof in this picture)
I am not a big make-up person, and not a big pink person, so I was hesitant to try out the NYC Expert Last Lip Color in Forever Fuchsia. It went on well, and surprisingly went well with my pale skin. However, I ate right after I applied the lipstick and most of it came off. I haven’t tested it put of my apartment, like to work or out on the town. Maybe soon! :)
The Pilot Acroball PureWhite is an amazing pen. It writes very smoothly and isn’t bulky or slim in the hand. The ink doesn’t smear or bleed! I used it to pay my bills and write some blog posts on a legal pad. The grip on my pen was yellow. I don’t have anything to coordinate it with - my colors are green and blue.
Next, I sampled the Red Rose Real Tea Water Enhancer. It’s like a Mio, but makes iced tea! I expected the tea juice to dribble out of the container, but it shot all over the kitchen and covered me in juice. It didn’t stain though! I filmed an InstaVideo of my tasting. I felt a little silly haha I liked the taste, it was a bit too sweet, and I probably wouldn’t buy this product in the future. It just wasn’t something I was interested in.
Keeping with the theme of pink things, I received some very fabulous, florally, spring press-on nails from Broadway Nails. I was hesitant to try them because of the design. I actually on tried on one nail after struggling to find any that fit the shape of my nails. Only the pinkies fit right. I like the peel off factor…I’ve tried glue on nails before and they suck haha I loved the packaging and the fact that they came with a nail prep pad and a nail file. My cat loved playing with the packaging too :)
Lastly, I received Playtex Sport Fresh Balance. Normally, I do not buy scented tampons, but on occasion I do (they make your purse smell nice). I really liked the scent, slightly floral, but mostly fresh. The plastic applicator was comfortable with an amazing grip at the base - very crucial. The tampon itself fit well and did not leak upon use.
Overall, I am glad I received this VoxBox. I love trying out products that I normally would be afraid to try. The risk of buying a product I might hate always outweighs the reward of buying something I would love.
If anyone is interested in signing up for Influenster, feel free to message me or comment :)
You know whats fucking scary? The fact that I could literally change my life at any moment. I could stop talking to everyone that makes me unhappy. I could kiss whoever i want. I could shave my head or get on a plane or take my own life. Nothing is stopping me. The entire world is in my hands, and I have no idea what to do with it.