since i’ve been outside for about 4 hours…i did a lot of thinking mixed with reading…
specifically about my life.
when i was younger, i used to think that falling in love and having a family was one of the worst things that could ever happen to me. then recently, it became the thing that i desired most: to care for people and to be cared about to the utmost degree. love was it. the top of the mountain.
but, while trying to decide what i want to do with my life…i discovered something. this summer and this next year working with americorps made me realize that i love working with people wayyy more than i ever expected to.
i used to dream about slaving away in an office for the rest of my life. then, i decided i wanted to travel and help the world, so i decided that i was going to join the peace corps when i graduated. then, i got really involved with kappa delta and panhellenic council and decided that i would try and work for kd or the npc when i graduated. then, i discovered film studies and wanted to go to grad school and become a film producer. then, boy scout camp came and i wondered why i didn’t work with the girl scout or my sorority for my internship. and then, i got a job offer from a top real estate recruiting company.
i love that i am so eager to do everything…but i wish i could decide on one thing to do. i want to make the most of my life…and i’m afraid that if i do that, i’ll never fall in love, or find someone to stick with me through it all.
and that’s a terrible thought. it’s so selfish.
i could be changing the world in so many ways…and i’m worried about falling in love and getting married.